How we die is how we live – with grace

How we die is how we live – with grace. 

Transformation is not pretty, neat, or comfortable. If you have given birth or witnessed birth you are well aware that it is bloody, messy, painful and at the same time beautiful, immaculate and life changing. Here we are, all in this together, birthing conscious awareness.

How we live in each moment is an opportunity to practice death. Yes, this may sound morbid but let me explain. We are shedding an old perspective and the ability to know what happens next. You may find yourself wishing to be back to normal, or ready for things to return to how they used to be. This is not possible, as once the caterpillar leaves the cocoon as a butterfly he is never the same again. Radical change asks us to stay in the present moment, and meet our society, family, and selves in the various messy, unprepared stages of change. We can aid this process of waking up by these two important questions: 1) Where do you give your power away? 2) Are you reacting or responding?

Where do you give your power away?

The most uncomfortable moments and grotesque inconveniences demonstrate to you where your hidden power resides. In order to assess where you give your power away you have to practice meta-cognition. Meta-cognition, simply stated, is your ability to think about how you think. If you were to have an audio recorder in your brain, what type of thoughts do you have playing in your internal dialog? If you could measure their frequency, are your cognitions generally rooted in fear? Beauty and connection? This last week has been the perfect intrapersonal experiment to take your emotional thermometer and see how you practice the process of change.

If you are fearful about money, than there is a gift of prosperity waiting to be unpacked. If you are scared of isolation, than there is a gift of connection waiting to be unpacked.

If you are scared of dying, than your life is waiting to be set free.

We often crave the feeling of what we believe a material object will give us. Yet, the truth is if you had the material object, perhaps money at hand, you may still have the feeling of lack. So why not just anchor the feeling of prosperity right now? Anchoring the feeling of what you think a material object can give you is such a powerful practice that your brain is unable to recognize the difference. Metacognition invites us to study the frequency and categories of thought patterns in which we normally operate. A pandemic is a perfect place to upgrade your cognitive hard drive and start to build a frequency of those patterns that give you access to the feeling you require.

Are you reacting or responding?

The words reaction and responding, semantically appear to be similar yet they hold very different psychological expressions. Reactions are instinctual behaviors that arise from the subconscious mind.

The subconscious is that part of consciousness that is not currently in focal awareness. The unconscious mind consists of the processes in the mind that occur automatically and are not available to introspection, and include thought processes, memory, affect, and motivation.

Often when one responds from a reactive state they are responding from a place of subconscious awareness.  For example, a parent that resorts to an immediate punishment for an infraction with a spanking is being reactive.

We can take an educated guess that as a child this parent was raised with corporeal punishment. When we are scared we often revert back to what we know from our early socialization, these experiences fill up the subconscious mind with old debris. If there was yelling in your home, you might immediately yell, or use shame as a parenting tactic. Falling into habits of early socialization does not make you a bad or good person. Rather it shows you where you have the capacity to grow. And informs you that you are operating from your sympathetic nervous system.


Responding requires a thoughtful response where you have weigh the pros and cons of a situation. This requires frontal lobe processing so that you can engage in things like judgement, planning, problem solving, concentration, and awareness.  Responding does not mean that we can control the behaviors of others. A common comment from my clients this week was “some people in my family are not taking this seriously, it is driving me crazy!”

Dear clients, first remember other people’s reactions to you, have nothing to do with you. Other people’s reactions are only showing you what developmental level they are at within themselves. When people are scared, they may act out as the teenager who wants to rebel, or the whining child who needs nurturing. That is ok, your work is to focus on yourself and cultivate healthy safe responses in your vibration. When we are responding, we allow the emotional muddy water of our childhood experiences, our feelings of insecurity, and feelings of needing control to settle down, then we take action.

You know you are responding when you use an ‘I statement’ vs. a ‘blame statement’ (statements that give your power away). You are responding when you make a decision when you feel calm, not worked up. You are responding when you have thought through how your actions are undeniably connected to the oneness of our humanity.

This week all of humanity began to adjust to a new way of being that asked each one of us to look at the layers of consciousness. First we are forced to see what feels uncomfortable in society, one’s interpersonal relationships, and most important of all one’s self.

Real talk – how did this week go?

Did you fall into a habit of being reactionary? Did you give your power away to the media, or the fear of illness of you or your loved ones? Did you fight with your partner about working from a new home/office space? Did you get upset over someone else eating the last chocolate bar?

If the answer is YES to any of these questions – GOOD! You are transforming. Now let’s see if we can transform with conscious awareness. Use heart centered language while you are communicating and finding a new cadence.

Action Step – Communication and Cadence

The world is asking us to move a bit slower these days. As such we are moving from the masculine principle of action and doing into the feminine principle of being, stillness, and observation. How we communicate during this new rhythm is slower, here are some words you can use to embrace the feminine, heart centered cadence.

  • “This is new for me.” (orientation)
  • “I see that you are processing _____.” (observer)
  • “I am here for you, let me know what you need.” (presence)

If the communications that you are not receiving daily do not inform you and lift you up, maybe it is time to change the channel, or limit the amount of media communication you are receiving at this time. We can be informed and peaceful. Please visit my website for more information. As always, I love to know how you are doing. Drop me an email.

You are here to be a vortex of safety, security, and love. Illuminate your true potential!

Free weekly guided meditation 7:00-7:30 pm pacific standard time Sunday evenings.
Zoom Link provided on instagram.